


I have a boyfriend (but that won’t be a problem)

by Ncitybae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Angst mostly but soft, Breakup, Heartbreak, M/M, lovers to strangers, mentions of underage relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ncitybae/pseuds/Ncitybae
Summary: Johnny and Ten dated for years back in highschool. They had done the passionate falling in love thing, and now, years later as idols from different companies, they find eachother again.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 1
Kudos: 66





	I have a boyfriend (but that won’t be a problem)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this all in one day to Take Yourself Home by Troye Sivan.

Johnny and Ten met in middle school, both having joined choir on accident and making a group of friends that would last them a lifetime. 

They all dropped out of choir shortly after Johnny chose to prioritize sports and Tens cheerleading performances began to clash with choir rehearsals, but it wasn’t till their sophomore year of highschool that they started going out. 

Seeing each other less in school meant texting more, which inevitably led to them having to hang out in their spare time. They spent a lot of nights with their group of friends at first. Jaehyun, who had the voice of an angel but gave it all up for baseball, Taeyong, who was another one of the few male cheerleaders on the team, Doyoung, who remained in choir, and Jungwoo, who struggled to hold a pitch but stayed in choir too for the sake of having a class with Doyoung. 

Jaehyun was the first to get a car, so they usually relied on him to hang out together, but Johnny had been saving up for his own. 

If he could pick up Ten they could go practically anywhere. 

So they went _everywhere_ as soon as he got his license. Their solo hangouts ranged from parks, to shopping malls, to the movies theatres, beaches, and suddenly he didn’t have to ask Ten if he wanted to hang out with him after school. It wasn’t until Ten asked if they were dating that Johnny realized he wouldn’t mind if they kissed. And maybe messed around a little. (Or a lot.)

They watched tons of anime together, went to each other's games and performances, dyed their hair together senior year, and even went to the school dance as a couple. They were always careful not to be too obvious in public, but after Johnny rejected half of the cheerleading team everyone began to catch on. Eating lunch together, going home together, hanging out together. All their friend assumed they’d be married straight out of highschool with how close they were without even having gone public… until Ten decided to call it off. 

It was late into their last evening together, Ten was leaving the next morning to study at an academy of dance only a few hours away and Johnny was getting scouted by a big label straight out of high-school.

Ten stood in Johnny’s bedroom with both hands clenched at either side. ”Johnny, I think we should break up.” He held his gaze, even when tears began to blur his vision and he’d unknowingly began to pout up at him.

Johnny had never felt more defeated in his life. Ten never backed out of anything. He’d fight a losing battle if his mind was made up and it felt like Johnny was having an out of body experience. Once Ten set his mind to something there was no talking him out of it, and he knew immediately that this would be one of those losing battles. This would be a fight that he didn’t know how to win. 

Ten’s determination had been one of the things he loved most about him (one of the many many things) and suddenly he realized how weak he was in comparison.

He pulled his now ex-boyfriend into his arms and let him cry for what felt like hours. He might’ve cried a little himself, but he certainly cried a lot more the following day. 

Ten cried until he was a mess. Until they moved to his bed and Johnny slipped out of his tear-soaked shirt and stiffened when Ten leant up to kiss him.

They both pulled away, watching each other through teary eyes. 

He was still in denial and it seemed that Ten had gone straight to grief.

“What’s got you so sad?” He muttered to try and cheer him up, tapping the tip of his nose like he always did whenever Ten cried. Johnny wasn’t able to properly process what was happening yet. 

“You’ll probably be the best I'll ever have.” Ten chuckled through a stuffy nose, leaning up and pressing their lips together again.

“ _You still have me._ ” He pulled away to mutter before being drawn back into another kiss. 

They’d kissed a lot. In Johnnys car, under the bleachers, at the movie theater, in the handicap bathroom near the cafeteria. But Johnny would never forget the way ten kissed him that night. Like he was hoping to always remember the way they kissed. To familiarize himself with the feeling of their lips together and sear the moment into his memory. 

There was no rush. He was so loving and tender that Johnny remembered specifically forcing himself not to cry because that would've made for an embarrassing last goodbye.

Ten lived life with no regrets and Johnny was scared what that would mean for them. 

He was so terrified that his brain refused to even believe it was happening.

Ten pulled himself away, “You’re gonna meet a lot of new people and I... don’t want you to feel bad about wanting to try new things…” he trailed off, pecking his lips once more, as to not stay away from them for too long, ”We’ve only ever been with each other and I—I don’t want you to feel bad about wanting to try new things with new people. I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

Johnny had never been good at properly putting his thoughts into words. He didn’t know how to tell Ten that he didn’t want anyone else without it sounding desperate or agonizingly needy so he didn’t. 

It felt too vulnerable to admit that he needed him. 

So he didn’t. 

Ten slipped off his shirt and kissed him again and they got through the motions of undressing solely through muscle memory.

Ten knew that he needed him. _He had to know._ But even knowing wouldn’t change his mind and Johnny knew better than to try. 

They were each other’s first everything, first kiss, first love, so pleasing each other they could do no matter the circumstance. Every time they slept together (after the inevitably awkward _first_ ) had been unique, special, and intense. So at this point, they’d had mind blowing sex too many times for this last time in particular to stand out. But Johnny would always remember how Ten cried again after they orgasmed, holding him close. The way he idly ran his fingers through Johnny’s hair until he fell asleep on his chest. The chill of waking up alone the following morning. He remembered the way he hardly used his phone for three month after Ten left because there was no point in checking it for a text that wouldn’t come. 

In a way, Ten broke him. Not entirely, but deep down he knew why he never tried again in a relationship. 

He was more determined to protect himself and terrified of ever being that vulnerable again. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“ _Bla-bla-bla_ , dude.” Donghyuck held up a hand to mock Mark, “I hear a whole lot of this,” he opened and closed his hand in a talking motion. “And you’re really starting to piss me off.” They’d been working on talking about their feelings, but this was definitely just Hyuck being a little shit. 

“Bro! I’m serious!” Mark was all fired up, practically bouncing around in his seat beside Jaehyun. “I’m just saying there’s gonna be a bunch of girls there! The group chat is going _crazy_ over the guest list!”

Hyuck was just mad they refused to stop at Starbucks, but he would get over it after bullying Mark some more. “Fine. Read it.” He eventually gave in and allowed him to list off the groups that were also expected to be there tonight. They were meeting in a _mansion_ for a New Years party thrown by none other than Jackson Wang. His parties were notorious among senior idols and trainees, and they weren’t able to make it to the one last year or the year before that due to scheduling conflicts.

So yeah, Johnny was excited, but he was mostly terrified of the possibility of running into Ten. 

He pretended he was tired as an excuse to sit back and watch each of them momentarily panic while he internally did so. 

The house looked even bigger in person than it did on google maps. 

He didn’t even check his appearance after leaving their dorm and he hoped his hair wasn’t messed up as they arrived and greeted a lot of the senior idols he’d looked up to before debut. It was literally one of his dreams coming true. The place was amazing and yet trashed, half littered with empty solo cups and jackets and the heavy smell of smoke in the air. 

They eventually made their way outside as more of their group members began to wander and Johnny paused beneath the sliding doors when he saw him. He knew Ten was crazy talented, extroverted, and socialable, but it was weird to watch him from the outside looking in after so many years in his element.

“Dude, come on.” Mark called to him.

Their eyes met once but Ten immediately turned back to his group of friends like he hadn’t seen him.

They were drinking, everyone was drinking, and Johnny tried to ignore Ten in favor of joining the group of people by the hot tub. Mark and him both rolled up their pants to stick their feet in the bubbling water and everyone laughed at Mark being a baby ( _“I can’t! It burns—!“)_ and for a while it felt like things would be okay. Until everyone gravitated either back inside or into their own individual conversations and he was too distracted to actively partake in any of them.

“Hey there, stranger.” Ten was behind him and the voice was so familiar it almost hurt a little. “You don’t seem like the lonely brooding type at a party.”

“I’m not brooding.” He forced some nervous laughter out to break the tension, “Just tired.” He fell back onto his previous lie of the night. 

“At a party?” Ten raised a brow and rolled up his own pants, sitting beside him and easily slipping his feet into the boiling water. “You’ve been drinking too, right?” He looked up at him, hoping they were both equally as drunk right now. 

“Yeah this is my third cup.”

“Okay, thank god.” He huffed in relief and they both shared a laugh. It felt forced out of his mouth, but Ten didn’t seem to notice. “Can we sit somewhere more private? I kind of wanted to talk.” 

Johnny nodded and they both got out of the hot tub, away from the kissing couple and toward a more secluded area by the poolside lounging chairs. Ten pushed two of them together and they laid down side by side on the last night of the year, two lovers turned strangers who’d come so far from who they used to be. 

For a while they just stared up at the stars in a comfortable silence.

Ten eventually turned to face him, his cheek squishing against the rubber of the chair and his hair looking particularly fluffy, “Tell me everything.” He smiled, “How’ve you been?”

Johnny didn’t even know where to begin. “I’m okay. I’ve been... really good actually.”

“Me too.” Ten smiled but they both knew that was only the half of it. “I’ve heard all your songs, I guess that makes me a fan.” He smirked. 

“Then I guess that _also_ makes me your fan.” Johnny muttered through a blush. They shared a knowing look and shy smiles before he spoke again. “Like I knew you could dance, but not like _that.”_

Ten’s smile swelled with pride. He looked stunning tonight bathed in moonlight, his loose white shirt falling open and his eyes fluttering between just barely open and shut. “I had lots of time to practice.” But maybe Johnny just missed having him this close. “Tell me about your group. It’s the complete opposite of mine.”

And Johnny had to agree. Ten was in a group of mostly singers while a majority of those in his group were rappers. Ten’s group concepts were always soft while Johnny’s group was known for their dark comebacks and showing lots of skin. He told him about how Hyuck was a brat and how Mark grew to be like the little brother he’d never had and then about Jaehyun's previous dating scandals. 

“How has he not gotten anyone pregnant yet?”

Johnny laughed. “Tonight may be the night.”

They both laughed and settled into another beat of tangible silence. “Are you seeing anyone?” Ten opened his eyes to watch for his reaction.

He took a deep breath and shook his head, “No. Not right now, no.” He shrugged it off, “You?”

Ten opened his mouth and hesitated before responding, “I have a boyfriend.” He smiled, and the pain was evident behind his half lidded gaze as he glanced down at Johnny’s lips before going back up to meet his eyes. 

Johnny felt the words hit something particularly tender inside him. Like the light was slowly beginning to dim after such a fulfilling night spent with the man he couldn’t stop loving. Ten was easy to love in that way. It felt like after all this time his heart was breaking all over again, falling right out of his chest and onto the poolside patio for everyone to see. “Oh,” he nodded, after staring at him for a moment too long, “Cool.” He looked back up at the stars and tried not to look like the news was tearing him up inside. Trying to play it cool. 

Obviously they’d broken up and since been with other people, but somehow, even after all those years, their breakup still didn’t quite feel like a breakup to Johnny. A part of him still hoped that Ten had felt the same way.

Yeah it was stupid, but it hurt to know that there was someone else lighting up Tens world while his was left in utter darkness. 

A part of him wanted to be angry, but he couldn’t hate the only man he’d ever loved. 

“He’s lucky.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m pretty great.”

Johnny chuckled, hating how he suddenly couldn’t look at him. It hurt a little too much, knowing that he was entirely out of reach. “The best.” Johnny smirked and Tens hand shot up to cover his face in embarrassment. 

“Oh my god—“

“Am I?” He couldn’t help but tease, “...still the best you’ve ever had?” He didn’t want to cross a line, but he’d been dying to know.

“Well, now that I’ve had _plenty—”_ he started _._ Johnny finally glanced back over at Ten who was smirking up at him. “Maybe.” The look in his eyes softened when their eyes met. 

Johnny wanted to kiss him. He wanted to _marry_ him, and the thought was so insanely outlandish and unattainable that it hurt a little too much to think about.

“Okay, I lied. You’re definitely the best I’ve ever had.”

Johnny was surprised to hear to say the least, “Really?”

“You’re—“ Ten had to look away to continue, “I was happy. I’ve never been that happy with someone and sometimes I wonder why I even broke up with you in the first place. It’s been hard, trying to find that happiness with someone else.” He cut himself off.

Johnny didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “Well… I’m glad you found it.”

Ten rolled his eyes, “I'm not even sure if I have.”

Johnny was at a loss for words, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t want to assume Ten was unhappy in his relationship, maybe that’s not what he meant, but he hated the glimmer of hope that blossomed like a flower blooming within in his chest. He needed to clip that flower immediately and bury it somewhere deeper. 

This was nothing if not the closure they both needed to finally move on. This is why Ten wanted to talk tonight, he was sure if it.

“What about you?” Ten disrupted his train of thought. 

Johnny scoffed, unsure of how to respond. He always buried everything so deeply inside that he was never even entirely honest with himself. His heart always knew, but his brain refused to acknowledge it. ”You want the truth?”

Ten nodded.

“I never really wanted to date anyone after you. I wanted all of my relationships to end before they even started. It’s horrible, but I guess I can’t try with someone if I don’t want it to work.” He huffed, “It's almost like I liked when people hurt me.” He looked up at Ten suddenly, “Not—like— _sexually_ , but like, for example, I got cheated on once and I _laughed.”_

Tens eyes immediately widened. He spoke quietly after a moment, “Maybe you just didn’t care enough about them?”

He smirked. “It was my longest relationship after you. We dated for eight months,” he paused, nodding at Tens look of disbelief, ”I could never tell him that I loved him and I didn’t even care enough to feel hurt when he left.” Johnny realized he didn’t even know this much about himself before now. “Pretty fucked up, when I think about it.”

Ten pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. Johnny read the message he’d sent to his boyfriend earlier in the night.

**We should break up**

He looked back up at him. He’d sent the message before he even approached him.

“I saw you and…” he paused, “I date guys that treat me really well _,_ but I don’t get excited when they text me like when you used to. I don’t _care_ about sex anymore like I used to. And I realized that I always just wanted to find what we used to have.”

Johnny closed his eyes.

“If it doesn’t feel as special then what’s the point?”

Now he _really_ didn’t know how to respond. Ten always did what he least expected, always said things that left him feeling like a fish out of water and he was the ocean.

“You know why I broke up with you?”

Johnny looked over at him just as fireworks began to go off above them. He couldn’t look away.

“I figured if we were meant to be, then we would find eachother again.”

Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat. This was all he’d ever wanted, falling right into his lap and he suddenly didn’t know what to do with it. Ten’s features were lit up by the show of lights up above. 

“You better kiss me, Johnny, I’m about to cry and it’s New Years.” Ten smiled through the tears welling up in his eyes. He leaned over, immediately slipping a hand behind Ten’s neck and capturing his lips in a kiss regardless of who was around to see them. 

The first kiss of a new year. 

Their first kiss in _years_ and it felt like after all this time, he could finally breathe again. 

If Ten was the ocean, then all this time Johnny had been a fish in search of the sea. 

  
  


-

  
  


Dating Ten again wasn’t forced or difficult. They made it easy. Dating him again felt a lot like coming home. 

It was still challenging sometimes with their conflicting schedules and equally draining rehearsals, but they always made it work. They’d always been good together, and even when they were apart now it felt like they were closer than they’d been in a long time. 

They’d sneak away sometimes at night to be together in the cover of darkness, wandering the streets and talking hand in hand. Johnny had easily fallen in love with Ten all over again, in his oversized sweaters and bucket hats. His smile was blinding even in the darkness.

If Johnny's world had been dim before now, he felt lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree. He felt like the string lights that were always lit up in Tens dorm room. 

“Where are we going?”

“Surprise.” He answered curtly and took him to an empty park on the quieter side of town. It was nothing special, but Ten clung to him like he’d just reserved the best seats at a five star restaurant, happy to spend another night out together.

His touch was reassuring. Ten held his hand and the other ran soothingly up and down his bicep as they walked. 

“Johnny?”

“Mm?”

“Were you mad at me when I first broke up with you?”

Johnny tensed and they immediately stopped walking. 

Ten looked up at him, having to tilt his head back to see him from beneath his bucket hat. 

“You’re not breaking up with me again, are you?” 

Ten laughed, smacking Johnnys chest with his free hand and endearingly shaking his head, “No! I’m just curious. We never talked about it.”

“Well, yeah, I wasmad.” Johnny admitted and turned to gently cup Tens cheek in his palm, “But it always hurt more than it made me angry. Plus, I love you too much to ever stay mad at you.” Tens eyes went soft and he realized that this was the first time he’d said it in years. That he genuinely loved someone. He hadn’t loved anyone since he’d said it to Ten, reserving the words for him like they were his to keep.

“Don’t say that or I might just use it against you.” He tried to tease, but failed, already tearing up, “ _God_ , Johnny I’m sorry. _I love you too._ So much. _”_ He got up on the tips of his toes and leant up to kiss him. 

Johnny caught his bucket hat before it fell (after bumping against the front his baseball cap) and he set it gently back on top of Ten's head as they kissed, never once leaving his lips.

There was so much left to learn about each other after all the time they’d spent apart. Sometimes it felt like all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough. 

But he had Ten now, and thankfully they’d found each other again.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Eunice for encouraging me to keep going 🥺 
> 
> twt @kwanspoonyoung


End file.
